Tag Archives: hilarious

Dude, Where’s My Wit

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For the last week or so I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of fun and witty things to post here. Maybe I’ve been a little intimidated by Jerry’s amazing blog; Where Do Gaybies Come From, soon to be titled…..something else. We have boy/girl twins, stay at home parenting and awesomeness in common but Jerry has a little more experience under his belt (as his twins are a little older) and is quite an hilarious writer.

I’m not really getting down on myself here. I’ve learned that as twins get older you are rewarded for keeping them alive by having a little more free time so I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before I am back in the swing of things….mentally.

Which brings me to my latest observation.

Normally, I like to think of myself as a pretty humorous person but I think that, along with sleep and what used to be a plumper ass, I may have lost some wittiness since having children. I do things like:

  • Walk away from a conversation I just had with somebody, wondering what I just said, if it made sense and if I ended the conversation properly or just started walking away.
  • Forget the spelling of simple words like “their” or “tomorrow”.
  • Can’t tell a decent joke to save my life.
  • Forget whether or not I’ve said something and end up constantly repeating myself. “Oh, did I not say ‘thank you’ for the crackers? Thank you. Oh I did? Ummm, thanks.”
  • I have lost the ability to read directions and instructions completely, all the way through.
  • Can no longer interject with some hilarious little quip. I’m down to about 1 or 2 laugh out louders a month.
  • Stare blankly at my feet while I’m in bed trying to think of funny non-funny things that I do
  • Now that I’ve typed this all out, it appears as if you could either be reading a blog of a stay at home mom of twins or a career stoner.

    I’m ultimately not too worried, I’m sure something that resembles my brain might slowly start to return….maybe it will bring some of my ass back with it too. In the meantime I will make due with my one or two solid laughers a month….here’s to hoping they end up here!

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    “But there’s TWO of them.”…and other hilarity from my husband

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    In order for me to be a stay at home mom, my husband, Rob, has to work a lot. It’s definitely a work in progress as far as nailing down the dynamics is concerned. Sometimes I freak out and tell him he’s not home enough and other times I’m anxious for him to leave…one less baby to take care of, but all in all I appreciate how hard he works and try to make the best out of the time we have together.
    Because he is away from home so much there are little things he unfortunately misses out on…or I forget to fill him in on. As a result I have a few gems that have come out of his brain listed below. I guarantee this list can only grow…enjoy!

  • I know you sent me to the store to get two high chairs, but I have returned with a retro Radio Flyer tricycle and one table attaching child’s seat! Pretty cool, huh?
  • Awesome.

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    When I told this next one to my mom she laughed so hard she had to pull her car over.

    While having some me time I get a call from Rob asking when I will be coming home. I told him I was heading home and asked “Why, is everything ok?”. He then explained that the kids were fussy and hungry…”then feed them?!” was my obvious response as I’m slowly pushing two cumbersome boxes containing actual highchairs through the store. His response?

  • “But there’s two of them and…..”followed by some sort of inaudible whimper
  • I mean what do you say to that except to laugh, right?

    To be continued……